Self-Awareness Archives - DREAM Wellness

As seen in Best Self Magazine

Is this relationship worth fighting for?

Click here to read it in the magazine!

By: Brian A. Stenzler, MS, DC

In previous issues of Best Self Magazine, you have likely read about the five facets of a wellness lifestyle, DREAM, representing a healthy Diet, plenty of Relaxation, adequate Exercise, ensuring that you are in Adjustment, and of course, creating a life with Mental Wellness.

This month I would like to delve into one of the leading causes of emotional toxicity that people experience which often takes away from their mental wellness…THE WRONG RELATIONSHIP!

All too often we see friends or family members, or even ourselves in a long term relationship that seems like it’s going nowhere. So why are those two people together we ask? Well, they typically love each other; they are comfortable with one another; it would be too embarrassing to tell everyone they broke up; it’s too complicated to break up (money, property, etc); they’ve already invested so much time into the relationship; or the one that few will say but often think, “We can’t both live forever!”

What if there were a calculated, scientific approach using mathematics that could actually quantify the likelihood of two people having sustainable compatibility that would increase the odds of a long-term relationship thriving, rather than just surviving? Well there is, and it is called the Ultimate Life Tool (ULT®). The ULT® is a patented advanced human assessment tool consisting of 87 questions which will demonstrate how each person in the relationship authentically shows up in nature.

The ULT® will reveal what drives and motivates them to discover their natural, inborn talents versus learned skills (reliable, flakey, intimidating, controlling, loyal, over protective, compassionate, good listener, etc); their natural level of refinement and how it impacts their compatibility (messy, neat, high quality, extravagant, “crunchy”, etc); how they perceive life (from an overly optimistic or more critical standpoint); and how they best connect with people and their surroundings (needs touch, needs to move, needs to think, needs to be social, etc). This invaluable “operation manual” gives each partner the information needed to “feed” one another, rather than take energy away that causes unnecessary strain on the relationship.

The results of this test will not only quantify important compatibility factors, but it will also provide each person with the tools necessary to help the relationship thrive. Sometimes the results reveal a significant uphill battle for a couple to survive, while other times, just the knowledge will show them what “tweaks” are needed to grow into something remarkable.

As the owner of a wellness center that offers this technology and the husband of a certified ULT® Consultant and trainer, I can tell you that I have heard every excuse in the world for a couple to not take the test. One person in the relationship refuses to take it (red flag); they are afraid to learn what the test will reveal (red flag); the relationship is already too far gone and they would rather avoid doing the work necessary to move forward- either together or apart (red flag); it’s just not worth it (bright red flag)!

Being in unfulfilling relationships can be one of the worst things for one’s health. It leads to increased stress, depression, anxiety, resentment, anger, and even hatred. We all know the Buddha saying, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. Why not let the anger go away and all the negative effects of the bad relationship by either fixing it or ending it?

People often want to know when the best time in a relationship is to take the ULT®. The answer is similar to going to the chiropractor (something I know a lot about). Some people only go to the chiropractor when they have some type of problem causing physical pain. When they wait for the symptom to arise, they are typically in a crisis situation that requires swift attention. At that point, the chiropractor will analyze the spine and nerve system to determine the care necessary to get to the cause of the problem and make specific adjustments if necessary. This is comparable to a couple waiting until they are in a struggling relationship and either need to fix it or end it. Maybe they are “on again, off again”. Maybe they have been together for 4+ years and one person isn’t ready or willing to take the next step. Maybe both are questioning whether the next step is the right one, but neither is willing to admit there may be an issue.

Then there are many who go to the chiropractor for routine checkups to help deal with the toxicity and stress of life to prevent issues from arising. This would be analogous to a couple taking the ULT® early in the relationship so they learn how to navigate the relationship so the toxicity (stress) of life doesn’t affect them negatively.

Every decision a person makes is value clarification. If you (or someone you care about) values happiness and fulfilling relationships, then taking the ULT® is a great step to take. The results will either give the excuse needed to end the wrong relationship or the ammunition to fix it!

DREAM Wellness is offering you and your significant other to test drive the ULT® at no charge AND receive a 10 minute results consultation. Email Brooke Stenzler and tell her you want the Best Self analysis and she will send you the link and code for the assessment.
Brian A. Stenzler, MS, DC served as the President of the California Chiropractic Association (2014-2016) and is the owner of DREAM Wellness located in Pacific Beach and Del Mar. He can be contacted via email at brian@dreamwellness.com or by calling 858-274-2225.

A week before Christmas I was running an errand near a busy shopping mall. Yes, the dreaded holiday season mall parking lot – something I try to avoid each year. Nevertheless, I couldn’t avoid the errand.

As I was turning down a lane to try to find a parking spot, I got a bit too close to another car that was trying to fit into a tight space. Before I had time to back up, the woman in the car gave me a horribly mean look and started yelling offensive comments at me through her window.

In that split second, I knew that I had a choice on how to react. Many people would probably have found it justifiable to yell right back at her and inflame the situation even more.

When I coach my clients, one of the first things we talk about is a term called H.A.L.T. This stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired. You see, when we are operating from a point of clarity – when we are well fed, well rested, and feeling loved – it is much easier to share our gifts with those around us. The positive effects of a full belly, peace of mind, knowing you have good company to share your experiences with, and feeling well rested are similar to a shield that protects us from the toxicity of the world. By toxicity I mean any outside influence that has the potential to creep into our lives, create fatigue, and bring us down. When we lower our guard, it is easy to slowly lose track of positive self-expression, and we may not express ourselves in the kindest of ways.

The negative expression is a result of built up fatigue, oftentimes the result of much more than just having missed a meal or a bad night’s sleep. Many people are dealing with personal tragedy, divorce, abuse, neglect, trouble paying the bills, and many more travails. When this builds up, a person that would otherwise be a joy to be around may in fact express themselves in unbecoming ways. Signs of H.A.L.T. show up differently in each person, so while one person may be prone to outrageous temper tantrums, another person may exhibit manic or possibly stubborn behavior when under stress.

What is important to understand is that the negative behavior is never the person’s highest self. When we can understand that someone’s outbursts or immature behavior is the result of something much deeper, it is easier to find patience, love and understanding for that person.

Here is an example (WARNING – SPOILER ALERT). Remember in the book/movie Old Yeller, when the dog saves the boy from the wolf and becomes rabid? Even though Old Yeller was acting horribly (gnashing, barking, and trying to bite anyone who came near him), we all felt incredible sympathy for the poor dog, knowing that it wasn’t his fault, and that his behavior was the result of extreme toxicity. I don’t know anyone who didn’t cry when Travis had to shoot his dog.

It’s interesting how we often show much more sympathy to fictional characters than we do to the people in our own community. We never know what is going on in someone’s personal life, but if we can recognize the symptoms of H.A.L.T, then we can start to show compassion.

Well, in that split second when the woman was yelling at me in the middle of a busy parking lot, I recognized that her behavior was not an expression of clarity. If I had allowed it, I could have become angry and defensive. That short interaction might have even seeped into my thinking, causing a subconscious chain reaction of spreading anger to unsuspecting strangers. However, I knew that her actions had nothing to do with me, and they were the result of something that I would never know, something that probably stems much deeper than the initial symptoms of Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, and being Tired. Instead of allowing myself to become angry (thankfully I was well fed and rested), I calmly backed up to give her room to get into her spot, mouthed the words “so sorry” with a smile, and silently wished her “Merry Christmas.”

Brooke Stenzler, CYP is a relationship coach and advisor at DREAM Wellness, certified by the Y.O.U. (Your Own Understanding) Institute. DREAM Wellness uses a patented advanced human assessment tool to help individuals, couples, families and businesses recognize how signs of H.A.L.T. show up in all of us and how to reduce and prevent toxicity. Click here for information on the assessment.

anger, holiday traffic, relatationships, road rage, understanding

Is this Relationship Worth Fighting For?

Is this relationship worth fighting for?

The Old Yeller in Y.O.U.

YES, WE ARE OPEN!